What I’ve learnt about gaslighting.

What is gaslighting? Lemme tell you… its a messed up thing. Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into thinking you’re always wrong. Gaslighters get into your head and make you question yourself and your entire sense of being.

What I’ve learnt about gaslighters so far:

  • they hardly ever own up to what they did/said
  • they’re always looking for sympathy from people on the outside
  • they will tell other people you are crazy so that when you tell people about their abuse, shit just doesn’t check out.
  • they use your insecurities as a way to manipulate you
  • they always question your memories, for example scrutinizing the way you give your account of what happened and then asking many questions which send you in circles and or/confuse you- you begin to think that you’re delusional
  • they are constantly putting you down, indirectly or directly

What I’ve learnt about gaslightees so far:

  • “i was never like this… i used to be strong/confident etc”
  • they lack trust in themselves and their own decision making ability
  • they apologize more than they should
  • they overthink
  • they feel like they’re not good enough
  • they have trouble being around other people because they think they are inadequate and that people will notice
  • they are unhappy and don’t know why
  • they are, more often than not, very dependent on their gaslighter- be it financially or emotionally, they always turn to their gaslighter for answers.

Experts say that most gaslighters will gaslight their victims intentionally. However, even being unaware of their gaslighting does not make it acceptable because it could still, obviously, be very damaging to their victims. If you are in a relationship where you feel like you are being gaslighted, get out or seek help. Its THAT serious.

More on gaslighting: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201701/gaslighting-know-it-and-identify-it-protect-yourself

Kinks/Coils and hair from hell.

So this blog is about my type 4 natural hair and what I do for upkeep, what I’ve learnt so far from other naturalistas and how I keep myself from ripping it out of my skull because you guys know that this hair is rude.

Now, some people are already at the point in their natural hair journeys where they’re totally in-love with their natural hair –dont get me wrong, natural hair is really beautiful – but lately I’ve been feeling like taking care of this hair is a job. And I don’t know how you guys feel… but I like to get paid for my job so this shit is making me bitter.

More about my texture; I’ve got tighter curls at the crown (4c I guess) and 4b curls around the parameters of my head. High porosity, cotton-wool like, fluffy, dry and emotionally draining. I am currently growing out a tapered cut which I LOOOOVED. Extremely happy to have some length back because now I get to do those easy hairstyles i.e. high-puff, space buns (two of my favourites).

I am not here to sell you dreams about natural hair. I have been natural for about 5 years and I am still learning to love my hair. I’m only going to speak from experience. What works for my hair might not work for yours. So don’t go telling your auntie that nappynayy said this, that and the other and now your hair is falling out. Haha.

Anyway, don’t forget to trim your ends. x